HOLY SHIZ

I think I just bought a house! Umm yeah! WTF? Buyers remorse...maybe...panic...possibly....migraine...absolutley!

A year later

One year ago today my father in law passed away. I can safely say this was the closest I have ever come to a full on nervous breakdown. I cannot believe the amount of stress I was under at this time because I was also a week away from taking my boards for PA school for which I had studied basically zilch for because I had been at Duke with him for 3 days then come home to watch him die for two weeks. My husband was a disaster my mother in law was a DISASTER to the point where she was a danger to herself. I hadnt slept in 6 months because before that I was preparing for graduation and leading up to that my father in law was in really poor health not being able to swallow, being incontinent, and various other health problems. The worst part about it was my father in law who had been struggling with alzheimers for 5 years was the most lucid Id seen him since his diagnosis. He heart was failing but it seemed his brain was razor sharp. Being the medical professional I had to be the one to switch off my emotions take everything in process what was happening because when a doctor would talk to us everyone would monitor my every facial expression every breath sigh movement. But I was dieing on the inside too. I had never had parents until I dated my husband and I knew what was coming. My mother in law cornered me asking me to explain to her what the tests had said I did and she broke down sobbing it was the first time she actually realized it was about to be over. Later that day he looked up at her and grabbed her hand and asked am I sick? She explained to him that he was using the same analogy I had used which made me feel at least a little better at having been the one to have to tell my mother in law and have to see that... I still see it sometimes when I close my eyes. He struggled for a couple more days but finally on July 4th she leaned over and told him its ok to go and he smiled and that took one last breath. I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be a year later. July 4th isnt every just going to be hotdogs and fireworks now

Revenge is Sweet and Not Fattening

Ok bitch watch your back. Im on to your two faced games. Your not as smart as you think you are and your days are numbered. Ive never been one to let someone get away with making me miserable you'll regret this in the end one way or another. It may take me some time but bitch I'll get you. Does anyone have any ideas for exacting revenge?

A List

I'm stealing this from another blog....

I cant:

- force myself to go to bed a decent time
- keep my closet organized for longer than a week
- stop drinking coke zero
- pass up a great pair of shoes
- not text my girls multiple times a day about nothing while Im bored at work
- make meringue

I can:

- tell you the calorie content of most foods
- usually get my boss out of bad mood with a flirty smile
- coordinate my outfit and accessories precisely right down to pen color
- turn anything into a Friends or Gilmore Girl reference
- go to any length to justify not cleaning
- bake almost anything
- entertain myself way to easy

I wont:

- continue to be scared about what happens next
- let laundry pile up
- go for a long time without talking to my girls just because we live far apart now
- continue to be unhappy because its easier than making waves

I will:
- try to eat better, exercise more to keep myself happy and healthy
- look for the best in the situation
- figure out what it is that will make me happy and stop putting it off
- budget my time better
- always love a great laugh

I shouldnt:
- be paralyzed by what others think of me
- be critical of myself over everything
- cry or yell more than I laugh and smile
- put myself last
- make lists of things that will never get accomplished
- waste energy on things that are petty and stupid
- check TMZ, facebook, or perez hilton everday

I should:

- listen more
- relax
- procrastinate less
- learn to let go
- read more
- be nicer to my mother
- strive for organization

Ouch

So I was proud of myself. I had being doing 30 day shred consistently, it was getting easier, I didnt want to kill Jillian or those biatches on the screen. My waist and legs are smaller at least by measurement then it happened. It feels like someone is driving nails up the bottom of my heel and up the back of my leg with every step I take and when I get off my foot I have this wonderful burning pain and numbness. Great. Just in time for me to have to work my partners vacay at work so I get to stand on my feet for the next 7 days for 10 hour days. I figure this is some variety of tendinitis and I have tried to stay completely off my foot for last three days it has helped it none. I also had to let the hubs do the shopping for the week so I could stay off my foot so we are going to have to starve and cant wash our clothes or dishes or use toilet paper this week. Jillian Michaels really does hate me after all.

Tony Awards, How To Get the Hubs to Watch.

So I tortured the hubs last night not with the usual whips and chains, no true torture by making him watch the Tony Awards. At least once a week I exclaim to no one in particular I just want to quit being a PA and dance and sing so I was pretty excited to watch them. Also NPH was hosting and How I Met Your Mother is my favorite show so... Anyway were watching and the hubs is reading a mustang magazine so as to retain the ability to stand up while urinating and Brett Michaels starts to perform. He immediately stopped reading, " WTF?" then awe-struck silence. Yeah I know I'm proud. Moving on... At the end of this performance Brett was struck in the head with a large piece of the set and knocked to the ground. The hubs jumped off the couch and was like whoa did you see that? He grabs his phone and was about to call someone to ask if they saw that then I think the realize of what he was about to do sunk in and he quickly slammed his phone closed and went back to reading his magazine. I smiled silently to myself but I couldnt help but think if they could get an 80's rocker to perform and be unexpectedly knocked unconscious every year husband all over could openly enjoy them. Just a thought. PS hope Brett is ok.

AHHH

Ive been doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and it just leaves me asking a couple questions:

1) Why does Jillian Michaels hate me so much and want to make me cry?
2) Who are these 400 lbs people that can do this shiz the keeps talking about?
3) Will I ever be able to advance to level 3 and do I even want to?
4) In level 3 Do I run out to the garage and push my car around? Hoist the fridge into the air?
5) If I make it to level 3 will my lungs explode and will the carpet in my living room be able to handle the massive amounts of sweat?