Revenge is Sweet and Not Fattening

Ok bitch watch your back. Im on to your two faced games. Your not as smart as you think you are and your days are numbered. Ive never been one to let someone get away with making me miserable you'll regret this in the end one way or another. It may take me some time but bitch I'll get you. Does anyone have any ideas for exacting revenge?

This week Blows Ass

We were supposed to get a kick ass new episode of How I Met Your Met Mother on Monday, instead there was a rambling boring presidental speech fail #1

Tuesday I decided I had enough my new bc pills and I was taking my life back from constant headaches, nausea, and the worst acne I have had since 8th grade and I stopped the MFers and immediately started my period again for the second time this month fail #2

Tuesday we also had a watermain break and lost water wtf? fail #3

Tuesday water returned and I took a shower was in the said shower when the MIL called to tell me we had a boil advisory " honey dont even brush your teeth with it" So im guessing covering your body with it is probably out to? fail#4

Wednesday its like 70 degrees freakin awesome then we have a tornado and lose power if your keeping score at home we have had no power and no water within two days I now think I qualify as living in a third world country. Fail #5

The interstate was shutdown for hours I watched a stoplight literally blow off and seriously considered trying to pee into a dasani bottle but didnt know how to work out the mechanics without ruining the interior of my new car. Fail #6

When I finally made it home the dog had been in the dark for hours and had gone apeshit crazy and decided to see how many rooms he could poo in but I didnt catch on because it was pitch black and being pitch black makes it harder to find 1) a flash light and 2) random piles of poo so I stumbled around trying to find my flash light and cursing and using my cell phone for light and step in at least 4 piles of dog diarrhea in my socks then bare feet, awesome I know your jealous. Fails #'s 7,8,9,10

I contemplated just closing the door and leaving and letting the dog have the house and letting the hubs and the dog figure it out later but I was covered dog shit and I couldnt find my keys and was sobbing by this point and I already knew I couldnt pee in the dasani bottle so this weeks gotta get better right?

My quarterlife crisis comes full circle

Well I bought a frickin sports car in the middle of a snowstorm. Its orange, it sounds like a racecar and resembles the general Lee. If I tanned a little climbed on the hood and added paypal to the bitch I could make extra cash. I'm not real sure what came over me. I have never been the throw caution to the wind gal I'm the one who plans everything, Im the one who does the assigned reading and get a jumpstart on the rest of the book. I make planned calculated decisions with spreadsheets and flowcharts and dont get me wrong I cut loose but I plan it and scheduled and the work is done first. But none of that happened this time. I just walked into a dealership and said I want that orange bitch and bought it after I had totally planned on buying a sensible ford edge in sensible off white. Then as punishment god said let there be snow and snowed 4 feet for 2 weeks.

So I think the lesson here is clear listen chica dont step one toe over that spontaneous line, dont think about having fun, throwing caution to the wind, bitch o or you will be punished.

The Weather Is Broke Yall

When I got up this morning it was -5. Not the windchill the actual temp was -5 frickin degrees, when I went to work it was a balmy -2. This is ridiculous. How can it be this cold. I cant believe this. I have move immediately. I couldnt even feel the steering wheel and my vehicle didnt even want to turn over really to tell the truth I didnt either because how does one dress for weather this cold? I felt like Ralphie's brother in a Christmas Story. Where's the global warming ya'll?

Im Just Here For Some Birth Control

I went for my pap today. Ughh. I hate going I put it off as long as possible. I have a poor track record, not because I have had a bad pap or anything like that, but because my first one was traumatic. I have no idea why really I guess just because I built it up in my head, then I passed out, while changing back into my clothes so I passed out naked in the gynos office and got a giant bruise on my forehead and half the office came charging in to see what was going on. There I was naked on the floor. Yeah that only happens to me. But nothing like that happened to me this time but still I put it off each year. This year I hadnt even made it to "scoot all the way to the end of table" and I got " hey so when are gonna have some kids" and I was like ummm well Im here for some birth control so probably not anytime soon good Lord and Loestrin 24 willing. I mean how are you gonna hassle someone to have kid thats coming in for some birth control?