I totally forgot until just now when I was mindlessly channel surfing looking for something that is way less than mentally taxing to watch how much I love Beth dog the Bounty Hunters wife. I mean really. Big curly dyed blonde hair, big torpedo boobs, big fake nails, lots of makeup, big stripper shoes. I think shes my shero. Actually i think ive worked too much this week.

YOWZA

Just a quick note to let you know that Jason Mraz song Butterfly make me want to rip my frickin clothes off. I listened to it no less than 15 times in the past 2 days and I cant stand how hormonally charged it makes me.

Shortbus captain?

Do you ever get so tired you just burst into laughter, like crazy manical laughter where you cant stop and maybe even snort? Yeah I totally did today at work.... nice. I was super tired and I was getting punchy and I was telling a mildly funny story and couldnt even finish because I couldnt catch my breath and had tears coming out of my eyes. I guess half the unit heard me...nice. I guess crazy laughter at work though is better than crying right?

Umm WHAT?

Ive been known to talk very quickly, especially if I get worked up about something or Im in a hurry, when this happens I tend to mumble. I was dictating something for a chart at work and apparently the person transcribing it couldnt figure out what I said my name was which created a cute new nickname for me with my boss. I left him a note and signed it with the nickname because well Im always looking for a way to suck up. Anyways he read the note and said if you werent married and I wasnt married Id kiss you! WHAAAATTT????!!!!!!! I made no comment or eye contact and stood completely still until it was over.

This week Blows Ass

We were supposed to get a kick ass new episode of How I Met Your Met Mother on Monday, instead there was a rambling boring presidental speech fail #1

Tuesday I decided I had enough my new bc pills and I was taking my life back from constant headaches, nausea, and the worst acne I have had since 8th grade and I stopped the MFers and immediately started my period again for the second time this month fail #2

Tuesday we also had a watermain break and lost water wtf? fail #3

Tuesday water returned and I took a shower was in the said shower when the MIL called to tell me we had a boil advisory " honey dont even brush your teeth with it" So im guessing covering your body with it is probably out to? fail#4

Wednesday its like 70 degrees freakin awesome then we have a tornado and lose power if your keeping score at home we have had no power and no water within two days I now think I qualify as living in a third world country. Fail #5

The interstate was shutdown for hours I watched a stoplight literally blow off and seriously considered trying to pee into a dasani bottle but didnt know how to work out the mechanics without ruining the interior of my new car. Fail #6

When I finally made it home the dog had been in the dark for hours and had gone apeshit crazy and decided to see how many rooms he could poo in but I didnt catch on because it was pitch black and being pitch black makes it harder to find 1) a flash light and 2) random piles of poo so I stumbled around trying to find my flash light and cursing and using my cell phone for light and step in at least 4 piles of dog diarrhea in my socks then bare feet, awesome I know your jealous. Fails #'s 7,8,9,10

I contemplated just closing the door and leaving and letting the dog have the house and letting the hubs and the dog figure it out later but I was covered dog shit and I couldnt find my keys and was sobbing by this point and I already knew I couldnt pee in the dasani bottle so this weeks gotta get better right?

Salmonella for Everyone

I got a frantic call from my grandma this morning at 5, on my day off, because she was concerned about my health. She was very scared because she had bought me a giant 100 count box of kashi peanut butter granola bars 6 months ago. She was screaming at me at 5 in the morning to stop eating them. After the intial shock had worn off I told her we had finished them already and if they were infected with salmonella it was too late because they truly delicious. There was a long pause on the other end she then said so do you want some more of those next time I go to Sams? I laughed a little and said umm I better not try to push my luck.

My quarterlife crisis comes full circle

Well I bought a frickin sports car in the middle of a snowstorm. Its orange, it sounds like a racecar and resembles the general Lee. If I tanned a little climbed on the hood and added paypal to the bitch I could make extra cash. I'm not real sure what came over me. I have never been the throw caution to the wind gal I'm the one who plans everything, Im the one who does the assigned reading and get a jumpstart on the rest of the book. I make planned calculated decisions with spreadsheets and flowcharts and dont get me wrong I cut loose but I plan it and scheduled and the work is done first. But none of that happened this time. I just walked into a dealership and said I want that orange bitch and bought it after I had totally planned on buying a sensible ford edge in sensible off white. Then as punishment god said let there be snow and snowed 4 feet for 2 weeks.

So I think the lesson here is clear listen chica dont step one toe over that spontaneous line, dont think about having fun, throwing caution to the wind, bitch o or you will be punished.