HOLY SHIZ

I think I just bought a house! Umm yeah! WTF? Buyers remorse...maybe...panic...possibly....migraine...absolutley!

A year later

One year ago today my father in law passed away. I can safely say this was the closest I have ever come to a full on nervous breakdown. I cannot believe the amount of stress I was under at this time because I was also a week away from taking my boards for PA school for which I had studied basically zilch for because I had been at Duke with him for 3 days then come home to watch him die for two weeks. My husband was a disaster my mother in law was a DISASTER to the point where she was a danger to herself. I hadnt slept in 6 months because before that I was preparing for graduation and leading up to that my father in law was in really poor health not being able to swallow, being incontinent, and various other health problems. The worst part about it was my father in law who had been struggling with alzheimers for 5 years was the most lucid Id seen him since his diagnosis. He heart was failing but it seemed his brain was razor sharp. Being the medical professional I had to be the one to switch off my emotions take everything in process what was happening because when a doctor would talk to us everyone would monitor my every facial expression every breath sigh movement. But I was dieing on the inside too. I had never had parents until I dated my husband and I knew what was coming. My mother in law cornered me asking me to explain to her what the tests had said I did and she broke down sobbing it was the first time she actually realized it was about to be over. Later that day he looked up at her and grabbed her hand and asked am I sick? She explained to him that he was using the same analogy I had used which made me feel at least a little better at having been the one to have to tell my mother in law and have to see that... I still see it sometimes when I close my eyes. He struggled for a couple more days but finally on July 4th she leaned over and told him its ok to go and he smiled and that took one last breath. I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be a year later. July 4th isnt every just going to be hotdogs and fireworks now

Revenge is Sweet and Not Fattening

Ok bitch watch your back. Im on to your two faced games. Your not as smart as you think you are and your days are numbered. Ive never been one to let someone get away with making me miserable you'll regret this in the end one way or another. It may take me some time but bitch I'll get you. Does anyone have any ideas for exacting revenge?

A List

I'm stealing this from another blog....

I cant:

- force myself to go to bed a decent time
- keep my closet organized for longer than a week
- stop drinking coke zero
- pass up a great pair of shoes
- not text my girls multiple times a day about nothing while Im bored at work
- make meringue

I can:

- tell you the calorie content of most foods
- usually get my boss out of bad mood with a flirty smile
- coordinate my outfit and accessories precisely right down to pen color
- turn anything into a Friends or Gilmore Girl reference
- go to any length to justify not cleaning
- bake almost anything
- entertain myself way to easy

I wont:

- continue to be scared about what happens next
- let laundry pile up
- go for a long time without talking to my girls just because we live far apart now
- continue to be unhappy because its easier than making waves

I will:
- try to eat better, exercise more to keep myself happy and healthy
- look for the best in the situation
- figure out what it is that will make me happy and stop putting it off
- budget my time better
- always love a great laugh

I shouldnt:
- be paralyzed by what others think of me
- be critical of myself over everything
- cry or yell more than I laugh and smile
- put myself last
- make lists of things that will never get accomplished
- waste energy on things that are petty and stupid
- check TMZ, facebook, or perez hilton everday

I should:

- listen more
- relax
- procrastinate less
- learn to let go
- read more
- be nicer to my mother
- strive for organization

Ouch

So I was proud of myself. I had being doing 30 day shred consistently, it was getting easier, I didnt want to kill Jillian or those biatches on the screen. My waist and legs are smaller at least by measurement then it happened. It feels like someone is driving nails up the bottom of my heel and up the back of my leg with every step I take and when I get off my foot I have this wonderful burning pain and numbness. Great. Just in time for me to have to work my partners vacay at work so I get to stand on my feet for the next 7 days for 10 hour days. I figure this is some variety of tendinitis and I have tried to stay completely off my foot for last three days it has helped it none. I also had to let the hubs do the shopping for the week so I could stay off my foot so we are going to have to starve and cant wash our clothes or dishes or use toilet paper this week. Jillian Michaels really does hate me after all.

Tony Awards, How To Get the Hubs to Watch.

So I tortured the hubs last night not with the usual whips and chains, no true torture by making him watch the Tony Awards. At least once a week I exclaim to no one in particular I just want to quit being a PA and dance and sing so I was pretty excited to watch them. Also NPH was hosting and How I Met Your Mother is my favorite show so... Anyway were watching and the hubs is reading a mustang magazine so as to retain the ability to stand up while urinating and Brett Michaels starts to perform. He immediately stopped reading, " WTF?" then awe-struck silence. Yeah I know I'm proud. Moving on... At the end of this performance Brett was struck in the head with a large piece of the set and knocked to the ground. The hubs jumped off the couch and was like whoa did you see that? He grabs his phone and was about to call someone to ask if they saw that then I think the realize of what he was about to do sunk in and he quickly slammed his phone closed and went back to reading his magazine. I smiled silently to myself but I couldnt help but think if they could get an 80's rocker to perform and be unexpectedly knocked unconscious every year husband all over could openly enjoy them. Just a thought. PS hope Brett is ok.

AHHH

Ive been doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and it just leaves me asking a couple questions:

1) Why does Jillian Michaels hate me so much and want to make me cry?
2) Who are these 400 lbs people that can do this shiz the keeps talking about?
3) Will I ever be able to advance to level 3 and do I even want to?
4) In level 3 Do I run out to the garage and push my car around? Hoist the fridge into the air?
5) If I make it to level 3 will my lungs explode and will the carpet in my living room be able to handle the massive amounts of sweat?

Two Left Feet and A Tit

So my boss stares unapologetically at my chest at least 30-40 times an hours and I really have no cleavage. He also makes comments about how I'm very beautiful to patients and will give my the up down or send me to get a pen or a chart or something so he can look at my ass but hes for the most part harmless and so it cracks me up. The other provider its this treatment too but she swears I'm the favorite, lucky me. Anyhow I was rounding with him and I walked into a patient room to check something and I turned back around and ran directly into him. He must have been standing less than two inches away from me and turned into him when I turned back around. I was knocked off balance because of the shoes I was wearing also and I grabbed his arm and I think my boob brushed his arm. I was absolutely horrified. The other provider thought this was great. I wanted to die. I still want to die. I may have to quit my job. Maybe he'll stop staring now though.

Here I am

I havent disappeared. I just havent felt like blogging lately Ive been in a funk with nothing particularly interesting to say. I get up, go to work do my bosses job for him get hit on by him come home do every single bit of housework around here and then workout and go to bed so I can get up at 5 am and start all over. I did have a girls weekend escape recently which was much needed. Our hotel room was overpriced though seeing as how it was like staying in a homeless persons ass. So yeah but we got two free drinks every night so it was overlooked. We also discovered jewelerly making and dropped about 200,000 beads in the carpet in the room so I'm sure we screwed them out of a sweeper at least. I just wanted to say hi I'm here.

Things that have happened since I last posted

1) I have added additional items to my Murtagh list
a) I am to old to make dumb mistakes with household chores like burning a hole in my carpet with the vaccuum.

b) I am to old to drive somewhere and be so aimlessly lost that I have to call someone and describe what I see around me.

c) I am to old to zone out everytime someone discusses something financial.

2)I have become the official slave at work. The other provider has decided not to work and I have bore the brunt of this. I'm sick of it. I came home and went to sleep at 9:00 pm all this week out of sheer exhaustion.

So in conclusion:

Ive been a sleep deprived and overworked to the point where Ive become a dumbass and burnt a hole in the carpet, driven around lost, and zoned out during conversation.
Whats new with you?

well that was interesting

my boss quit today or our company forced him to resign for reasons unknown to me things have been scattered, i feel confused and upset, i feel like he got a dirty deal and i hate that i didnt get a chance to say goodbye. we just came in this morning into our tiny tiny office and all of his stuff was gone, he came in the middle of the night and packed up... sad. too many people were happy about it today too which made the day worse. i just hate that i may never really know what happened, stuff gets so twisted around there. i have no idea what will happen now. i hate uncertainty, i hate lack of control or even perceived control. i felt nauseus all day and then came home and ate a bag of jelly beans, Happy Easter.

my murtaugh list

Im too old for this shit


I religiously watch How I Met Your Mother. This past week featured the Murtaugh list, from Lethal Weapon, the list of shit Ted's getting to old to do. I think this came a perfect time seeing as how it came a week after my 25th for the 2nd time birthday. You see I'm not getting any older than 25. Anyhow here is my own personal Murtaugh list thus far.

1) Eating an entire bag of sour patch kids, hot tamalaes, or M&Ms
2) Staying up all night before having to work the next morning
3) Hanging out at the mall with no real purpose
4) Doing laundry at my parents house
5) Eating cereal for every meal
6) Not owning real furniture
7) Having a haircolor which cannot be found in nature

?

well it finally happened i broke the gazelle, you know the tony little exercize piece of equipment, it probably had literally over 200,000 miles on it. i wore through heavy steel to make a complete hole in a steel beam, that ladies and gents takes some dedication and talent if i do say so myself. i think tony should spring for lipo for those last 10 lbs seeing as how i managed to break steel with my legs. dont you agree?

At least I entertain myself

its endlessly funny to me that someone found my blog searching for Big Butt Kardashian. LOL hahahaha that it the funniest thing ive heard all day. Also marsha brady outfits, and planned teen pregnancy. Wow winners all around.

some info please?

can someone please tell me what a dogs thing is supposed to look like after you neuter him? i dare not google dog penis and or some such nonsense and no one seems to have a male animal that i know. the medical practitioner in me forces me to have some curiosity about whether its healing correctly and the overproctective dog mom in me wonders as well. any suggestions?

now what?

spring was finally starting to drop hints its may be arriving like a junior high girl crushing hard but then came the snow and 20 degree temps. then i got the flu. wtf? i got a frickin flu shot and i use so much purelle i probably have an illegal blood alcohol level come days end how did i get the flu, not to mention shouldnt we be done with flu season already? so im in a funk im not capitalizing anything, i dont have anything in particular i want to write about, i dont have anything in particular i want to do, i feel blah. spring where are you?

im that person

I dropped my poor baby dog off at the vet this morning to have his manhood taken away and I teared up when he clung to me as the came to get him. I usually take delight in making fun of the weirdos in the waiting room at the vets but today I was one of them, blinking back tears and fighting the desire to scream dont take away my baby. I was also completely insensed that the hubs was not also completely horrified by the event and simply said I'm at work I can't talk about your nervous breakdown now.

ughh

its bad enough its my weekend to work when its the first pretty weekend of the year. its bad enough im sick, sick sick like i have the flu or something wretched like that. its bad enough im working with the doc that is a whimp that makes me do all his work this weekend so it will be a bear to get through this when my whole body is aching and i have a fever and my head is pounding and my patients smell like a dead animal mixed with vomit and poop. then my boss came in today and hes sick, bastard he made me sick. i know it. grrr

Dont You Judge Me My Skin Scalding Off Is Punishment Enough

Since Winter/Death/Hell has made a depressing reemergence I have made a rather late foray into seasonal affective disorder. I mean cmon how long can winter possibly last I had already put away most of my winter crap hauled out a bunch of those stupid bags that dont really worked that are meant to collapse all of your clothes into a minsucle space the size of shirt pocket by hooking them up to the vaccuum but all that really happens it that it pisses me off and it pisses the dog off and I managed to get one of the bags stuck in the vacuum and I think I may have burnt up the vacuum. Anyways after that incredibly prodcutive day I got to open two of those wonderous achivements of human engineering because after several days of 60+degree weather its back into the frickin teens yes teens. I don't want to repackage all my winter crap again. But this caused a major depression and a major longing for summer and I decided to tan. Yeah I know save me the lecture about skin cancer aging blah blah blah. I have survived repeated pneumonias, rheumatic fever, and an infection after surgery on my spinal cord I have also eaten something I dropped on the floor in the breakroom in the ER and the place where I work now has a patient that has an infection that only 17 people in the whole US have. If I want to tan a couple times I think its ok. Except I'm a dumbass and I fell asleep in a high pressure bed. I woke up and my whole body felt HOTT. I had to go to work yesterday glowing red. A guy I work with told I look like a glowing apple. Nice. So much for ending my seasonal affective disorder. Next time I'll just cut my own my bangs.

I totally forgot until just now when I was mindlessly channel surfing looking for something that is way less than mentally taxing to watch how much I love Beth dog the Bounty Hunters wife. I mean really. Big curly dyed blonde hair, big torpedo boobs, big fake nails, lots of makeup, big stripper shoes. I think shes my shero. Actually i think ive worked too much this week.

YOWZA

Just a quick note to let you know that Jason Mraz song Butterfly make me want to rip my frickin clothes off. I listened to it no less than 15 times in the past 2 days and I cant stand how hormonally charged it makes me.

Shortbus captain?

Do you ever get so tired you just burst into laughter, like crazy manical laughter where you cant stop and maybe even snort? Yeah I totally did today at work.... nice. I was super tired and I was getting punchy and I was telling a mildly funny story and couldnt even finish because I couldnt catch my breath and had tears coming out of my eyes. I guess half the unit heard me...nice. I guess crazy laughter at work though is better than crying right?

Umm WHAT?

Ive been known to talk very quickly, especially if I get worked up about something or Im in a hurry, when this happens I tend to mumble. I was dictating something for a chart at work and apparently the person transcribing it couldnt figure out what I said my name was which created a cute new nickname for me with my boss. I left him a note and signed it with the nickname because well Im always looking for a way to suck up. Anyways he read the note and said if you werent married and I wasnt married Id kiss you! WHAAAATTT????!!!!!!! I made no comment or eye contact and stood completely still until it was over.

This week Blows Ass

We were supposed to get a kick ass new episode of How I Met Your Met Mother on Monday, instead there was a rambling boring presidental speech fail #1

Tuesday I decided I had enough my new bc pills and I was taking my life back from constant headaches, nausea, and the worst acne I have had since 8th grade and I stopped the MFers and immediately started my period again for the second time this month fail #2

Tuesday we also had a watermain break and lost water wtf? fail #3

Tuesday water returned and I took a shower was in the said shower when the MIL called to tell me we had a boil advisory " honey dont even brush your teeth with it" So im guessing covering your body with it is probably out to? fail#4

Wednesday its like 70 degrees freakin awesome then we have a tornado and lose power if your keeping score at home we have had no power and no water within two days I now think I qualify as living in a third world country. Fail #5

The interstate was shutdown for hours I watched a stoplight literally blow off and seriously considered trying to pee into a dasani bottle but didnt know how to work out the mechanics without ruining the interior of my new car. Fail #6

When I finally made it home the dog had been in the dark for hours and had gone apeshit crazy and decided to see how many rooms he could poo in but I didnt catch on because it was pitch black and being pitch black makes it harder to find 1) a flash light and 2) random piles of poo so I stumbled around trying to find my flash light and cursing and using my cell phone for light and step in at least 4 piles of dog diarrhea in my socks then bare feet, awesome I know your jealous. Fails #'s 7,8,9,10

I contemplated just closing the door and leaving and letting the dog have the house and letting the hubs and the dog figure it out later but I was covered dog shit and I couldnt find my keys and was sobbing by this point and I already knew I couldnt pee in the dasani bottle so this weeks gotta get better right?

Salmonella for Everyone

I got a frantic call from my grandma this morning at 5, on my day off, because she was concerned about my health. She was very scared because she had bought me a giant 100 count box of kashi peanut butter granola bars 6 months ago. She was screaming at me at 5 in the morning to stop eating them. After the intial shock had worn off I told her we had finished them already and if they were infected with salmonella it was too late because they truly delicious. There was a long pause on the other end she then said so do you want some more of those next time I go to Sams? I laughed a little and said umm I better not try to push my luck.

My quarterlife crisis comes full circle

Well I bought a frickin sports car in the middle of a snowstorm. Its orange, it sounds like a racecar and resembles the general Lee. If I tanned a little climbed on the hood and added paypal to the bitch I could make extra cash. I'm not real sure what came over me. I have never been the throw caution to the wind gal I'm the one who plans everything, Im the one who does the assigned reading and get a jumpstart on the rest of the book. I make planned calculated decisions with spreadsheets and flowcharts and dont get me wrong I cut loose but I plan it and scheduled and the work is done first. But none of that happened this time. I just walked into a dealership and said I want that orange bitch and bought it after I had totally planned on buying a sensible ford edge in sensible off white. Then as punishment god said let there be snow and snowed 4 feet for 2 weeks.

So I think the lesson here is clear listen chica dont step one toe over that spontaneous line, dont think about having fun, throwing caution to the wind, bitch o or you will be punished.

The TPS Reports?

I got called into work yesterday to do discharge summaries which remind me so much of the stupid TPS reports from Office Space. I could scream, in fact I did scream when I hung up the telephone.
The weirdo new girl at work has decided she is going to hurry up and haphazardly do all her work to in a few hours to get our boss out of there quickly. Well I would like to not kill all of our patients so I would to make I sure I do it correctly and I would not like to you know ruin my kidneys and digestive system by not eating or peeing the entire time Im at work, Thanks though. This is gonna be a long couple days....

5 simple Blessings

I saw this post on another blog and decided to participate

5 Simple Things Im Thankful for Today

1) Coke zero espeically fountain coke zero, I asked for fountain zero for my house for christmas but that I guess will have to wait until next year.
2) Amazing gas heat
3) TV on dvd
4) Days off
5) The swiffer wet jet

The Weather Is Broke Yall

When I got up this morning it was -5. Not the windchill the actual temp was -5 frickin degrees, when I went to work it was a balmy -2. This is ridiculous. How can it be this cold. I cant believe this. I have move immediately. I couldnt even feel the steering wheel and my vehicle didnt even want to turn over really to tell the truth I didnt either because how does one dress for weather this cold? I felt like Ralphie's brother in a Christmas Story. Where's the global warming ya'll?

Im Just Here For Some Birth Control

I went for my pap today. Ughh. I hate going I put it off as long as possible. I have a poor track record, not because I have had a bad pap or anything like that, but because my first one was traumatic. I have no idea why really I guess just because I built it up in my head, then I passed out, while changing back into my clothes so I passed out naked in the gynos office and got a giant bruise on my forehead and half the office came charging in to see what was going on. There I was naked on the floor. Yeah that only happens to me. But nothing like that happened to me this time but still I put it off each year. This year I hadnt even made it to "scoot all the way to the end of table" and I got " hey so when are gonna have some kids" and I was like ummm well Im here for some birth control so probably not anytime soon good Lord and Loestrin 24 willing. I mean how are you gonna hassle someone to have kid thats coming in for some birth control?

a couple random things

1) Jennifer Garner had her baby but didn't release the name, good for her. All I have done since hearing this is wonder what the baby's name is and check the Internet every 15 minutes to see if its been posted yet.

2) We are never going to find a house. Everything is crap, Realtors use photoshop when posting pics of houses on the Internet to get your hopes up, this should stop.

3) I wisely sidestepped being part of a public scandal. This is very unlike me. I will be the first one to tell you I thrive in drama. I am proud of myself even if I inadvertently avoided it.

Courtney Cox Is That You?

I miss Courtney Cox's original face. Its weird thats shes on Scrubs, its weird thats Scrubs is on ABC now, but her face is freaking me out a little. While shes still attractive she looks like a wax mannequin. If it lasts for a season or two she may become younger than Sarah Chalke.

A few random things...

I have been a really crappy blogger lately. Sorry I suck lets move on. I have accumulated lot of hostile ramblings over my extended absence.

1) The ho bag lady that schedules me is obviously trying to kill me by scheduling me almost every single day for 10 hours a day for when we have some the sickest patients and when I have some of the worst PMS and when I have simultaneous stomach virus/strep throat. I am working 60 hours back to back so I will probably call or at the very least spend one of these days locked in the bathroom sobbing.

2) There too shows that are on Monday nights now. I am forced to be a hermit on Mondays and now that more stuff is starting on Monday and since I have this crazy thing called ya know work that interferes with evening routine I feel like Monday tv is going to lop over into Tuesday.

3) There is a full on pregnancy epidemic. I still have 3 hold outs who havent given there ut's to the fad but everywhere I look there it is. I feel like my eggs are drying up. But I mean c'mon Ive got Britney Spears tickets in March and its not like you could go to a Britney Spears concert all knocked up. Well you probably could....


Anyways thats enough ramblings for now heres hoping everyone having a great 2009 so far, youre not working too much, your not sick/PMSing, and your not being sucked in by the mommies or mm congrats your pregnancy!