Not So Safe

We went to a local fair and I had talked the hubby into riding the shady carnival rides by some miracle. I think I come from descendants of carnies or something I loves me some carnivals and the hubby hates them with the white hot intensity of a 1000 suns but he begrudgingly went because some of our friends were going. So there we were and my excitement was at an all time high it was great standing there waiting in line to get on the Ferris wheel and then a very large piece of it fell off. It was just a light or something it wasn't like the basket people were sitting in or anything but when your getting ready to get on a piece of rickety equipment operated by a man with missing fingers, misspelled tattoos and "somer teeth" (somer here somer not) you really want all the pieces to stay attached. So I'm pretty sure the hubby will never agree to ride another carnival ride again.

"All of us are born with an instinctive set of fears, fear of the dark fear of falling, fear of lobsters, fear of falling of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before the Rotary Club, and the words some Assembly Required"

Mad About You or Dr. Phil, either way...

PAUL Do you have a motto, yourself?
JAMIE "Never marry anyone more neurotic than yourself."-
"Sofa's Choice", Mad About You

Have you ever seen the episode of Mad About You where they buy a sofa and Paul liked it but didnt want to buy it because it was called a loveseat? and her friend Fran dropped by the store just to see it?... more everyday I think we maybe Paul and Jamie..... well in the first two seasons anyways...

It'll All Come Out In The Wash

The Hubby lead a very privileged life before we were married. His mommy did his laundry and most other chores so while this was great for him it was not so great for me. He had a very steep learning curve for laundry and most other chores. We ended up with some very interesting colored towels and I ended up throwing away some pots and pans after an ill advised cooking experiment. After deciding that it was easier for me to just do laundry myself than look like Stacy and Clinton were going to bust out from behind something to take me away for wearing shrunken, speckled, faded or mildewed clothes I had to get used to the very interesting way the hubby undressed. I myself take off my clothing one piece at a time and I was unaware that it could be done any other way. He however in an effort apparently to save time or space or just as a challenge to himself he takes off his pants underwear and socks as one piece. I know they are not connected when he is wearing them but somehow in the process of undressing he manages jump out of his socks pants and underwear simultaneously so they stay together. I have been completely mystified by this since I took over his care and feeding several years ago and I still have not managed to figure this one out. If anyone has any thoughts on this please let me know. PS it also makes it interesting if I don't reach in to disassemble this before washing because he will go to work sometimes with an extra pair of undies or socks still attached to his pants.

RIP Barbie Loves Ken Bag

My pretty pretty oh so pretty hot pink bag was a casualty of today. I took it to work took my crap out and zipped it up. When I went back it wouldnt unzip I then had to get three people to try to unzip it and still nothing. After a few more attempts I decided that with my keys safely zipped inside I would either need to get a new vehicle or cut the bag open. After quite some thought I grabbed some sciccors and cut carefully along the zipper hopping maybe a new one could be attached. I felt sick and like I had assaulted a member of my family. Then i retrieved my keys and somenly shuffled to my car. Bonus: then I backed into a dumpster in the parking lot. There is a small dent in the bumper but I was more upset about the bag, the hubby was not.

"I love this car! It goes with my outfit" Carrie Bradshaw

Puppygate

I had a fabulous first day at work. They like to goof around, my boss bought everyone lunch (which i think is a regular occurence.) People were nice and I didnt do hardly any weird or embarassing things. I wasnt anxious I didnt want to run screaming out the door I just really had a good day. Then it went to hell. I got a call from ex boss who tried to shame me and make me feel guilty, he then left somewhat of a threatening voicemail after my phone died. My head started to hurt as I continued driving home you know one of those lovely skull crushing migraines where youre sure you either have a tumor, an aneurysm, and or your brain is trying to escape from your skull and your sucky sucky life. I pull up at home and my dog isnt sitting on the kitchen table ( I know your thinking thats a good thing but its really not) We leave in the kitchen with the puppy gate up during the day and when he hears us coming he jumps up onto the table to see out the window. ) I know youre thinking thats a good thing but its not. I get closer to the door and see the dog sitting on the couch. I thought the hubby was home already and had let the dog out but I got inside and the puppy gate was still up with my puppy on the opposite side sitting on the couch just hanging out looking at me like what? what id do? Then I searched and searched and searched for ways in which houdini has managed to spend all day roaming around the house without disturbing the gate and I'm sad to say I still have no clue. My head hurts Im tired Im hungry Im pissed off and now Ive been outwitted by my 3lb puppy.
Then the door bell began to ring I went to the door and no one was there so I closed the door. A few seconds later it ran again, I was still almost touching the door knob so I jerked it open and still no one, then I came in started across the living room and it started ringing again and this time is was one loooooooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggggggg riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg. My 100 year old door bell is stuck. I think I might run away.

YAY....boo

I got a job!!...and a let down migraine, somewhat similar to the post-finals migraine of PA school. Neighbors decided this was the perfect opportunity to cut their grass for hours on end, and the hubby seemed to have gotten the urge to throw forks in the garbage disposal every 5-10minutes all night long and the dog found renewed love for barking at his own shadow.

"The fire sirens from way outside are crowning queen of migraine town"

The Yard Yacht and Limo

We are living here rent free for the moment while looking for a house, that being said, you get certain things when you live somewhere rent free. First and foremost, Scummy McMullet and his family have moved in next door. They have moved in when some elderly relative died and now 40-50 of them live there and they have about 10-15 pets which would be fine but their house is about 1000 square feet. Ok well its small I have no idea how small and I have no idea how many of them there are mainly because I run to and from the house now in hopes that they dont see me or talk to me. (its working because they told the hubby they've never seen me hahaha). They have several kids and large dogs which roll around in the mud and then go into the house and I'm not sure either has ever bathed. They also either have run out of room in their house what with all the people and animals or have decided to proudly display all their crap on their porch as well because its now covered. (My sister in law came to pick me up to go to the movies after all the crap appeared and asked if they were having a yard sale!!!) But I came home today and saw this the white trash status symbol to beat all others thats right the yard yacht and limo. We have to move immediately!!

Oops I Did It Again

Yeah I think Britney Spears and I are diametrically opposed. When shes at her lowest I'm at my highest and vice versa. Well ok, I exaggerate but I watched EOnline last night about how shes got her crap together as I cried and ate a bag of sour patch kids then cried cause I ate a bag of sour patch kids and then furiously paid tribute to Tony Little and Gazelled furiously for 2 hours. I hope I get this get job I'm interviewing for today. I don't think my husband would like this very much.

"But, but I’m disturbed…I’m depressed…I’m inadequate: I got it all" - George Costanza

Happy Bday Baby!

The hubby cant eat red meat well he shouldn't eat red meat and he does every so often and the results are sorta like the first few minutes of Saving Private Ryan! I found the perfect birthday cake for him since he constantly whines about wanting hamburgers. I'm not sure that these are any better for you since I consumed a third of one and had icing sweats but I know they aren't really doing any for his primal manly meat cravings but I'm only one woman for now I'll put him in a sugar coma.

"Food: Part of the spiritual expression of the French, and I do not believe that they have ever heard of calories."Beverley Baxter

You're Getting Very Very Sleepy

Its been a long day for everyone

Work It Work It Own It

I had a lunch meeting with a future employer which I was already not looking forward to. The hubby made this worse! I was asked to go to a very ritzy country club around here with this doctor to discuss the specifics of this job. I at first thought this was awesome then when the mental picture of me with this very old Indian man in the middle of the afternoon in the country club set in I was freaked. I had one very specific thought which my husband then vocalized. I told him I didn't want to go and he told me I needed to go it would be good for me. I had never been in the world of high class call girls before. Yeah that was the thought. I really didn't want to go I hate eating in front of people I hate small talk I hate discussing money I hate awkwardness and this was encompassing all of these things. But I went it wasn't that bad and I might have a kick ass new job!! (as a PA not Julia Roberts hookery character from pretty woman)

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels"-Faith Whittlesey

Puppy Love

I said previously that my husband thinks Im obessed with my new phone but last night he told me that Im obessed with my puppy and my phone. In my defense how could you not be in love with this. He holds his bear like that on his own I swear!!

Ok Im blogging again because I need to vent. I think now that I have finally graduated from PA school everyone thinks its ok to put the squeeze on us to have a baby. It really doesnt help that everyone around me is pregnant or has just had a baby or is planning on having a baby soon. I really dont think that I am in danger of becoming to elderly to reproduce. And just because I want to wait and enjoy my life finally for once I dont think that makes me an awful person. Ok sorry I just had to get that out.

Women need not always keep their mouths shut and their wombs open- Emma Goldman

Im Bored

So this extended time off before I start work has allowed me to learn some things about myself.

1. I could never be a housewife. I have thought this before but this time its really bad. The house looks 10 times worse after Ive been here all day I start looking for stuff that I lost months ago and or try to take on a project and end up tearing crap up.
2. I cant entertain myself. You would think that I could because I was an only child for most of my childhood but no its not true. I try to be productive but it always ends up with me looking at ebay or needlessly trimming my hair or tormenting the dog.
3. I need hobbies. PA school sucked away not only my life and will to live it sucked away my ability to enjoy activities outside of endless reading and note taking.

"Boredom is ... a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half the sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it." BERTRAND RUSSELL, The Conquest of Happiness

Under Pressure

Yeah so this summer was supposed to be my relaxation time but I should've known better than to plan 2 months of uninterrupted blissful unproductivity. ( I don't think thats a word ??) Anyways this summer has been an all-out marathon of stressful emotionally, physically, mentally draining activity. I started my "vacation" by having to take care of my mother who fell and broke her leg. She is stubborn and listens to no one and when we are together to long we tend to bicker especially when she is completely bedfast and I'm trying to tell her what to do or what not to do. Then my father in law who had end-stage alzheimer's disease but no history of heart problems had heart attack and went into heart failure 8 hours away from home. So we threw all of our crap into a suitcase and drove there. We then drove home 2 days later and spent two weeks trying to take care of my father in law and my mother in law and watching my father in law die. I then some how managed to take and pass my boards a week later. Then managed to pack everything to go on vacation a day after my boards. We are living back in our own house and still trying to find a new normal. Its been a crazy blurry summer. I hope fall is kinder and gentler. Now I have to actually go to work. I hope I can handle this!! eek!!

"Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. ~Richard Carlson"