Vacay? No way!

My mom left to go to the beach this morning and I am highly jealous well I would be if it wasnt for one tiny detail. The vacay gods have cursed our entire family to horrid vacations which make the Griswalds point and laugh, I mean bordering on like Dateline Investigations vacations. Once when I was in high school my entire family was going to the beach and we stopped half way to spend the night at some hotel just because it takes my family 10-12 hours longer than it does anyone else to drive anywhere on vacation. We were staying at some hotel where there was a wedding that night and it was the only entertainment anywhere around there that evening and lets face it as a family in general we are the nosiest people you'll ever meet so we decided to see what we could see. We headed down to "workout" and for some reason my mom decided to wear her "good" nightgown, you know with the hole in the boob and sweat pants and a hoodie, you know really try to blend in with the wedding guests. Anyways my mom, aunt, cousin and I were using the machines and by that I mean peeking next door at the reception and fighting about what should be on the tv but still to make the effort legit my mom hops on the treadmill and is speed walking like a mofo when the guests start gathering outside the door waiting to get in the reception. All of a sudden my mom jumps off the treadmill and runs to the corner and pukes in a fake plant, we were all completely horrified, then burst into hysterical laughter from pure shock. In fact my aunt laughed so hard she started peeing and we decided to leave because the puke,pee, and sweat smell was vomit inducing itself but now we have to make our way thru some wedding guests with Pampers and Upchuck in toe. My mom kept everyone in both rooms up all night worrying we were going to be asked to leave because she ralphed in the plant and my aunt had urinary incontinence issues on the bike. We never go on any trip with her now without checking to make sure that there is a gym and without premedicating her with pepto.